Episodes of Married to Movies
040: Yippie-ki-yay, mother and father! It's the Married to Movies finale! Desmond and Megan take on Die Hard and Steel Magnolias, pretty much the definitive representatives of their prospective genres. "Pontificous" is not a word. Desmond is right and Megan and Canada's national broadcasting company are wrong. Wrong! A strange noise interrupts a review, but is it the wind... or something paranormal?! Or is it just a hamster? Megan has a really weird side note about Natalie Portman that has nothing to do with anything. Then she makes one good point. But never mind that nonsense. The two dig in to some lovely and heartfelt feedback, and thank all of their listeners for hanging out with them these past 40 episodes. And bickering. There's always bickering. So thank you. You complete us. And get in da choppa! - Desmond and Megan
.: 55:28 :: 27.0 MB :: 02 June 2011 :.
039: Megan and Desmond start this episode of with bad news and good news. The bad news is this is the penultimate episode of Married to Movies. But the good news is two great reviews await you. Big Trouble in Little China and Happy Ever Afters are the two films on the docket this week, and through reviewing them, your hosts learn a little something about each other. Make sure you send in feedback in the next couple weeks so that the final episode can go out with style.
.: 44:33 :: 21.8 MB :: 28 April 2011 :.
038: In this episode, Megan has trouble reading, speaking, and listening... even before the hosts get into the films! Barbarella (1968) and Death at a Funeral (2007) are on the docket this time. What's up this week? How about boobs, shag carpet, midgets, and drugs? Thought you'd like that!
.: 39:30 :: 18.4 MB :: 07 April 2011 :.
037: This week, no one is safe! Not even culturally diverse educational child cartoon characters as Desmond and Megan take in a viewing of Sharktopus! And there's boob-talk aplenty during their review of Splash. Also, a special guest joins the hosts for the feedback segment. Good times.
.: 43:54 :: 20.4 MB :: 25 March 2011 :.
036: This week, your hosts cover 2000's Charlie's Angels and 2010's The Expendables. Does the Bill Murray factor outweigh the Cameron Diaz factor? Is Megan racist? Is she also Demi Moore-ist? What is the environmental cost associated to pyro in huge action movies? The answer: Who gives a shit?! After talking about the treatment of women in Stallone's film, Megan asks to go to bed, and Desmond says no. What is butt rock? How many turtles were killed in The Expendables? You need to listen to find out.
.: 55:25 :: 26.9 MB :: 10 March 2011 :.
035: Fill yer hands with Academy Awards, ya sons o' bitches! Ahem, in the second part of their Oscar-stravaganza your hosts dive into Black Swan and cozy up to True Grit. Which host liked the horror film? Guess! We dare you. Is the best part about a film with a lesbian sex scene the ballet? Will Megan ever enjoy a Western? Which male star of True Grit has Desmond met several times? Hint: Order the stars in the order of coolness and he's number four. Also, the hosts give their Oscar picks until Megan finds it all too stressful.
.: 48:30 :: 23.6 MB :: 24 February 2011 :.
034: This week, your favorite married podcasters cover The King's Speech and The Social Network. Des has trouble speaking, and Megan gives him grief for it. One of your hosts is a royalist and the other is not. See if you can figure out which is which. Plus, Megan gets to say zeitgeist! All this and much more.
.: 55:50 :: 25.8 MB :: 17 February 2011 :.
033: Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's magic. You know? As this week, Desmond and Megan see how high the witchy women fly in The Craft before try, try, trying to understand the magic man in The Illusionist.
.: 43:12 :: 20.0 MB :: 27 January 2011 :.
032: This week the show is late, but there's no shortage of fun. In reviews of two films from 2003, Lost in Translation and The Rundown, one host's breath stinks and the other farts. Which is which? Listen to find out. Also, Desmond really likes Scarlett Johansson and has no problem with her sitting in a window in her underwear. Megan prefers not to watch films featuring actors whose first name is "The." All this and more!
.: 46:30 :: 21.5 MB :: 19 January 2011 :.
031: This week it's a Reese Witherspoon special as Desmond and Megan cover 2000's American Psycho and 1998's Pleasantville. Megan doesn't quite understand what happened. And American Psycho's period setting is so convincing Megan falls for it, even though every actor in the movie is the same age as your hosts. Desmond explains how it's not all about women, and Megan uses the phrase "off herself." Also, there's either a black guy at the end of Pleasantville or a weird shadow [Note: Desmond went back and looked after we recorded the episode and saw neither a black guy nor a weird shadow.] And your hosts literally crush their four year old's Christmas spirit live in this episode. Seriously. Listen to see if you won the contest, and e-mail back before the next episode to claim your prize!
.: 51:25 :: 23.8 MB :: 30 December 2010 :.
030: In 1994's Little Women, Desmond will take way too long to tell you why he's not a fan of Winona Ryder. And 1987's The Monster Squad leads your co-hosts down the rabbit hole of a strange conversation about The Wonder Years. We needed a whore! Listen! Or we're all going to diiiiiiieeeee! And you might win a prize!
.: 1:01:40 :: 28.6 MB :: 16 December 2010 :.
029: In an episode with films the other sex is supposed to enjoy there's no bickering, right? Wrong. This episode features reviews of Shane Black's masterpiece of a black comedy, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and the ultimate romantic comedy, Love Actually. Desmond hates movies. But he really loves Shane Black. Megan's favorite scene in an action movie she likes is an action scene? Megan says "hijinx" and then "weft." I don't know what that means! Desmond misuses the phrase "run the gauntlet," and do you think Megan lets him live it down? Oh noooo! Not even when she said "intercede" when she meant to say "intercept" three minutes earlier, and he said nothing. But he's not bitter or anything.
.: 1:00:50 :: 29.1 MB :: 02 December 2010 :.
028: It's musicals and massacres this week as Desmond and Megan take on 2007's Hairspray and 2010's Centurion! Finally, a film finds a way to make John Travolta even worse! Desmond has the hots for Michelle Pfeiffer. Maryland totally isn't the South. Desmond has a hypothesis about Neil Marshall, Megan doesn't like the Ancient Romans and also she doesn't notice voiceovers. She also has something to say about subtitles, and you're going to listen to it! Centurion would have been better if you saw the warriors eat and sleep more. And Desmond has a problem with that, and he's elkist. Listen, if you're interested in gay.
.: 54:04 :: 25.1 MB :: 18 November 2010 :.
027: In this episode of Married to Movies, the films are contemplative, but the hosts are in fine form. Aguirre, The Wrath of God (1972) and Howard's End (1992) are under the microscope this week. Who's Facebook-friends with a dead man? Boat physics, incest, Barry White, and the British class system all in one episode? Monkeys swim and horses undergo trauma. Just how many times did Desmond fall asleep during one of the movies? All this, feedback, and more!
.: 1:03:56 :: 29.6 MB :: 11 November 2010 :.
026: The bits are on the table in this episode of Married to Movies as Megan and Desmond cover Planet Terror and Hard Candy. Ladies in red and testicular trauma abound in these films, but they have very little else in common except that Desmond likes them both. But what does Megan think? Listen to find out! Also, feedback abounds!
.: 1:07:02 :: 30.9 MB :: 21 October 2010 :.
025: In their 25th episode, Desmond and Megan celebrate the coming of October with a vampire-themed episode. First up, Desmond doesn't like Twilight but he twies really hard. It's not very good, but it's soooooo romantic! Also, what does Megan think of Blade? The answer might shock you! What are the racial implications of the comic book vampire movie, and which Twilight cast member would fare the worst in prison. The answers to all this and more in this sucky episode!
.: 51:33 :: 23.9 MB :: 07 October 2010 :.
024: This episode finishes off the Sporty September with 1977's Slap Shot and 1992's A League of Their Own. Paul Newman is old. And not even dreamy old. And Slap Shot is, in a word, gratuitous. Megan does get a kick out of old timey hockey, but then makes us all cringe with her fear of under-boob trauma. How does the fated relationship between these two podcasting titans revolve around a hockey puck? And who knew that Geena Davis was so damned hot? Mutant Kangaroos?! Pointy bras? What in the hell is going on? Megan gets super-insulted. Desmond's a little too insistent about how hot Geena Davis is. General merriment abounds.
.: 42:32 :: 19.7 MB :: 23 September 2010 :.
023: This week it's sports entertainment time! Megan picks 2009's Whip It! and Desmond counters with 2008's The Wrestler. Megan gets aggressive and Desmond gets hot. Does Desmond get racial? Maybe. Prefontaine. Prefontaine is the name he was thinking of. Megan talks bout lighting? What's happening here? Masculine tearjerker sounds wrong. But it's oh so right. Marisa Tomei is fantastic, and yes that's because she's naked the entire time. Megan's need for more of the story in The Wrestler forces Desmond to bust out his screenwriting chops. And Megan shocks Desmond with one of her review scores.
.: 43:45 :: 20.3 MB :: 09 September 2010 :.
022: This week, Bogart is a villain and Hepburn draws a third reviewer! First up Megan and Desmond discuss the home invasion film The Desperate Hours before they are joined by their youngest son, Davin for a discussion on Charade. Lots of singing, stinging barbs, and improvised bumpers are found within. Check it out! Every 100th customer gets heroin. Peppermint-flavored heroin!
.: 44:43 :: 20.7 MB :: 26 August 2010 :.
021: This week, it's vacation time as Desmond and Megan are getting it on on The African Queen and going on a Roman Holiday. Uh, what? Who's this other Hepburn chick? Bogart is drunk and Canadian in this one, just like our hosts! Leeches? We don't need no stinkin' leeches! The hosts need medicinal leeches, because they went to Africa and got Hep K. Newsflash: Audrey Hepburn is beautiful. Gregory Peck is handsome! All this and more explored within!
.: 45:38 :: 21.1 MB :: 12 August 2010 :.
020: This week, the Bogart / Hepburn Extravaganza continues! And what are the films under the microscope this episode? 1954's Sabrina and 1942's Casablanca. The Married to Movies Dictionary gets bigger as Megan makes up another word! Megan pines over wishing she knew what color the dresses were, and Desmond has given up trying to make her like black and white films. The hosts are puzzled by the likelihood of car phones in the 50s. And Casablanca's black and white and considered the best film ever made by Desmond, so we all want to know what Megan thinks, right? Who sings the German national anthem? And how did the Greek language contribute to the worst school day of Desmond's life? Listen to find out, or Gestapo spank!
.: 57:08 :: 26.3 MB :: 29 July 2010 :.
019: In this episode of Married to Movies, Megan and Desmond kick off a two-fer of episodes, taking a look at the films of Humphrey Bogart and Audrey Hepburn. The Maltese Falcon and Breakfast at Tiffany's are up first. What happens in this episode? Megan and Desmond actually agree on things! Desmond even lets her talk a couple times! Megan takes offense to Desmond offending Peter Lorre. The best movies to make out to are the long ones. When Megan tells us why she doesn't like black and white films you will be blown away. The hosts puzzle over Audrey Hepburn's origins, and have an interesting conversation about America in the early 1960s. Also, how bad is the racism in this movie? Real bad. All this and more!
.: 50:42 :: 23.4 MB :: 15 July 2010 :.
018: In the final installment of Wedding Month, Desmond and Megan laugh their way through 2009's The Hangover, and are puzzled throughout by 2007's Margot at the Wedding. Which movie prompts Megan to talk about the bride's dress and hair? How badly does Desmond fail to come up with an analogy for a poorly titled movie? How does Desmond give Megan issues? And just how much better are Desmond's picks this month? Also, the hosts reveal the film line-up for at least the next two episodes! Listen to find out.
.: 51:41 :: 23.9 MB :: 01 July 2010 :.
017: In this second installment of Wedding Month, Desmond and Megan celebrate their anniversary by taking in 1999's Runaway Bride and 1998's Very Bad Things. The troubles begin in the synopsis. Desmond audibly sighs. Megan wants a fluff. What happens when the accidental death of a hooker is the most lighthearted thing in a comedy? The hosts talk about eggs - a lot. Megan uses words like "schmaltzy" and "super-anal." Wait, Jon Favreau and Jeremy Piven aren't the same person? And in amongst all this, somehow two movies get reviewed.
.: 47:24 :: 22.0 MB :: 24 June 2010 :.
016: It's Wedding Month here at Married to Movies! To celebrate, Desmond and Megan take in viewings of Bachelor Party and Father of the Bride. Then a bonus review of Sex and the City 2: The Estrogen Strikes Back by Megan and our friend Shannon. Beware though, this reception gets rowdy. Megan drops the T-word, Desmond drools over Tawny Kitaen, they both sing 1980s rock tunes, Megan shrugs inaudibly, Desmond does a Bing Crosby impression, they talk about the dirty movies they watched in French class, they both cry, and something smells funky in Denmark (and in the living room). It's a mess.
.: 1:03:42 :: 29.5 MB :: 03 June 2010 :.
015: Join Megan and Desmond this week as they talk about Fried Green Tomatoes, racism, how hot Mary-Louise Parker is, homosexuality and lesbian metaphors, how hot Mary-Louise Parker is, Kathy Bates' great performance, how hot Mary-Louise Parker is, and what food means to this film. Also, did we mention that Mary-Louise Parker is hot?
.: 39:43 :: 18.4 MB :: 27 May 2010 :.
014: It's Spaghetti Western time on Married to Movies as Desmond and Megan review Sergio Leone's mainstream / North American breakthrough hit, A Fistful of Dollars. Megan isn't a fan of Westerns, but she's proud she can impress her dad by telling him she watched one. She's also very impressed with her husband's knowledge of Italian cinema. Listen to Megan stretch to find things not to like about a classic! Thrill at both hosts disliking of horse stunts! Marvel at Desmond's ability to compare two films that have never been compared before in the history of film criticism! Also, does Desmond get turned down after propositioning his wife? Listen to find out!
.: 44:54 :: 20.8 MB :: 20 May 2010 :.
013: In this episode of Married to Movies, the hosts are cursed by the number 13 with a mediocre movie that has moments of greatness furiously tethered to the suck by boring crap: Sam Mendes' Away We Go. Desmond and Megan both love John Krasinski but can't stand Maya Rudolph. Where did the funny go? What is the pregnancy detail this film fails to realize? Listen to find out.
.: 29:01 :: 13.5 MB :: 06 May 2010 :.
012: In this episode, while covering the kung fu classic Enter the Dragon, Megan states the obvious ("This is a real man movie") and Desmond agrees. While the plot isn't too dense, Megan still wasn't paying attention. Newsflash! Desmond loves this movie. Megan's a little indifferent. She does say something about a window imported from Sweden in her attempts to understand why her husband wants to be Bruce Lee. And Megan says something that terrifies her husband. There's some serious domestic scrapping going on here folks! Plus, Megan gives out points to listeners who give feedback!
.: 46:16 :: 21.6 MB :: 29 April 2010 :.
011: In this episode, Desmond and Megan cover the 2009 fashion documentary The September Issue. Does Desmond like The Devil Wears Prada? Maybe a little too much. Megan wants to kick someone in the balls, and Desmond's glad it isn't him. Does Megan put down the British? Can Desmond get his months straight? What the hell is couture? What is the secret origin of the podcast? All this and more in this week's episode of Married to Movies!
.: 30:50 :: 14.3 MB :: 15 April 2010 :.
010: In this episode of Married to Movies, Desmond and Megan take in a John Hughes double feature of 1984's Sixteen Candles and 1985's Weird Science. Join them as they struggle to remember the crazy house parties of their past and misspell popular websites. They talk about how well the films define the 1980s, because they were made back then, how hot both Molly Ringwald and Kelly LeBrock are and how bad Robert Downey Jr.'s teeth used to be. Warning: there may be laser noises inside! Be careful, or you'll be stewed, buttwad.
.: 42:47 :: 19.8 MB :: 15 April 2010 :.
009: It's back to normal this week as Desmond and Megan settle in for a man movie. On the docket this week? Professional wrestler and rap musician vehicle, Wrong Side of Town. Desmond likes this movie except for the directing, the acting, the music, and the story. Megan hates chopper motorcycles. She also despises professional wrestling and all it stands for, except for hot wrestlers and their bums. Megan makes more sound effects and gangsta raps. The she sings Twisted Sister. Badly. Can a machine gun make the guy holding it look like a pussy? Megan doesn't want to talk about the movie anymore, but the longer she talks about it the more she sounds like she knows what she's talking about. Then they play a lively game of Freeze Dance. Yeah, you read that right. Remember to pop over to the forums at www.earth-2.net to vote for Desmond's pick in next episode's John Hughes Double Feature.
.: 36:19 :: 16.9 MB :: 01 April 2010 :.
008: In the finale for March's Musicals & Mobsters, Desmond and Megan enthusiastically wrangle the huge casts of Rob Marshall's 2009 film Nine, and Francis Ford Coppola's 1974 masterpiece The Godfather: Part II. Desmond is hardly a cunning linguist, Megan gets her fill of feminism and it doesn't put her husband off. There's a lot of half-naked women in this movie, but Desmond can't shut up about Daniel Day Lewis. Man crush, anyone? Penelope Cruz is hot. Marion Cotillard is hot. Desmond makes up two odd noises to accentuate this. He also spends half the movie crafting a clever joke about Fergie and Megan disregards it immediately. Sad face. What happened to Nicole Kidman? Megan has some choice words for Tom Cruise. Then Desmond goes on and on about The Godfather: Part II while Megan naps.
.: 1:02:00 :: 28.5 MB :: 25 March 2010 :.
007: In the second part of March's Musicals & Mobsters theme, Desmond and Megan are joined by commentator Darryll for a mind-bogglingly ridiculous look at Martin Scorsese's 1990 masterpiece, Goodfellas. Then the couple go it alone for the cornea-searing spectacle of Baz Luhrman's 2001 film, Moulin Rouge. How many times does Darryll slap himself in the face? Megan enjoys the mobster lifestyle quite a lot until, you know, the bad parts. But that's kind of the point. Megan hates rats and that's also kind of the point. What does cocaine do to the male anatomy? Megan likes watching movies with Darryll because he talks. What the hell happened to the Godfather review? What does Megan's Robocop dream consist of? And we all know how Megan feels about the Kidman / McGregor vehicle, but what does Desmond think of it? Seriously, people, strap in. After Megan's startling announcement about the future of their relationship, this might be the final episode of Married to Movies.
.: 1:03:48 :: 29.4 MB :: 18 March 2010 :.
006: To celebrate the inaugural episode of March's Musicals & Mobsters, Desmond and Megan kick it off Chicago-style by first dissecting Brian De Palma's The Untouchables and 2002's Oscar darling, Chicago. Kevin Costner's a what?! Megan pulls out her cinephile chops on 1920s Russian silent cinema. Des misses the point. Megan thinks blood and grey matter is pretty. Morricone or Kenny G? You decide. Did Salvador Dali work with De Palma on this one? How does Des feel about Richard Gere? How does Megan feel about her husband being in love with Catherine Zeta-Jones? Who calls who a "butthead?" Megan bursts into song and Des takes exception to a song glorifying violence towards men. Yeah, he does. Meg bursts into song repetitively. There's Schindler's List and Snuggie talk abound, as well as celebrity culture and all that jazz.
.: 54:41 :: 25.3 MB :: 04 March 2010 :.
005: It's chick flick time again, and 1990's Truly Madly Deeply is on deck. How many times can the hosts mention Ghost? How pathetic would Desmond be if Megan was dead? What's the deal with Desmond's bachelorhood and the fruit fly situation? How wicked is Alan Rickman's mustache? How many bad things are said about British cinema? Would Desmond haunt Megan if he died? The answers to these questions and more in this week's episode of Married to Movies!
.: 30:36 :: 14.2 MB :: 25 February 2010 :.
004: Tonight, we podcast in Hell! Just how annoyed is Megan by Zack Snyder's 300? She makes a lot of noises, sings about stabbing, and wants rainbows. And then there's the whole thing about beheading Des if the carpet wouldn't get stained. Megan likes the Iliad except for, you know, the part about the war. Des talks about history too much, and wishes wars were fought with swords like in the good ol' days. Megan makes up a word. Des stretches to bring up subtext, and Megan barely buys it. CGI abs? Which member of British royalty does Megan have a crush on? Trick question! She has a crush on two! All this and more in this episode of Married to Movies!
.: 38:48 :: 18.1 MB :: 18 February 2010 :.
003: In this episode, there's drama, bickering, fighting, sexiness, profound metaphors, and tears. And that's just the hosts! Desmond threatens to destroy Megan, and she rips his guts out. Is this a kung fu splatter epic? No, it's (500) Days of Summer. Also, has Megan ever seen Bat-nipples? And Married to Movies goes international. But don't worry, it's not scary... because there's numbers. And numbers help you.
.: 46:35 :: 21.6 MB :: 04 February 2010 :.
002: Dead or alive, you're listening to us. You want tangents? We've got tangents! This episode of Married to Movies sees Desmond and Megan discussing Robocop. But more importantly, the following questions are asked: Why does Megan need to see Showgirls? How old is Screech from Saved by the Bell? Is psychopathic Red Forman cute? And does the film need a love interest? No. The answer is no. Also discussed: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, exploding mutants, being shot in the balls, and Megan doesn't know anything about the 1980s except for Leeza Gibbons. Listen. You know you want to.
.: 42:26 :: 19.7 MB :: 28 January 2010 :.
001: In this inaugural episode of Married to Movies, Desmond and Megan review 2008's estrogen-laced ensemble piece The Women. What the hell happened to Annette Bening? Can Meg Ryan still act if she can't change her facial expressions? Can Eva Mendes in lingerie not be sexy? And where did all the men go? All these questions and more are answered inside. Join us in unholy movie matrimony.
.: 28:24 :: 13.4 MB :: 21 January 2010 :.