The Top 20 Lamest Mortal Kombat Fatalities Ever
By James D. Deaux IV
14 October 2011 — When it comes to fighting games, the Mortal Kombat series really is my cup of tea. I'm not good enough to play insanely detailed games like the modern Street Fighter or Marvel vs. Capcom. Mortal Kombat gives someone like me a puncher's chance, no pun intended. But, for various reasons — such as poorly designed games, awful animation, and some really stupid Fatalities — my devotion to the franchise has left me with many a bitter taste in my mouth. That said, sit back and enjoy my rundown of the lamest, dumbest, and most ridiculous of all the Mortal Kombat finishers. Any Fatality described here "earned" its way onto this list by either being completely lame, aesthetically ugly to watch, or just nonsensical to the point that even die-hard fans wouldn't be able to excuse it.
Some things not included here are non-Fatality "-alities," such as Animalities, Babalities, and Brutalities; nor will you see Fatalities from Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe, which was rated T for Teen and could have filled this list by itself with all of the pathetically watered-down, pseudo-Fatalities. Hara-Kiris (suicides) from Mortal Kombat: Deception are not included, either. Also not on this list is anything from Mortal Kombat: Armageddon, as that game's Fatality engine was more or less the same exact thing for everyone (and it monumentally sucked), or anything from the nontraditional games (e.g. Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero and Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks).
Key
— MK: Mortal Kombat and its direct sequels.
— MKT: Mortal Kombat Trilogy, which encompasses Mortal Kombat 3, Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3, and Mortal Kombat Trilogy.
— MKDA: Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance
— MKD: Mortal Kombat: Deception
First on this unfavorable list:
20. Johnny Cage's Explosive Back Breaker (MKT): During the latter stages of Shao Kahn's invasion of Earth, Johnny Cage's soul escaped Shao Kahn and managed to find his body, resurrecting him. So, his new way of doing away with his opponents (in addition to retaining his uppercut decapitation) is to lift them over his head and break their backs so badly that their entire body explodes. I can buy the body ripping in half since Cage has mystical powers, but exploding? Is there nitroglycerin lining the spines of these people? Before Johnny Cage was reincarnated, though, we had another Fatality marred by silliness in the form of...
19. Kung Lao's Boomerang-Hat Body Slice (MKT): This Fatality isn't silly in and of itself; it's actually pretty gruesome. Kung Lao cuts the victim's head off with his razor-rimmed hat, and it then returns to slice the torso off, followed by the upper legs from the feet. The silliness of this one is that the poor schlub on the receiving end of it screams after their head is sliced off their torso. And again when their headless torso is separated from their legs. And then again when their legs are cut in half. Those must be some very sensitive nerve endings. (This is virtually repeated by Reptile when he eats each quadrant of the victim's body in the same game.) Moving on from this one is a Fatality that is just insultingly confusing...
18. Goro's Quad-Stab Fatality (MKD): In the latest Mortal Kombat game (2011), they made Goro scarier than he's ever been, and they gave him two Fatalities that suit his terrifying appearance. But why would they need to reestablish Goro as a real threat in the first place? Well, in Mortal Kombat: Deception, Goro whips out four sais and slices the victim twice and stabs them with all four in the torso. He then pulls one out and stabs the person in the face. You are a four-armed, half-human / half-dragon creature that probably weighs 1,000 pounds, and your grand way of killing your opponent is to stab him to death with sais? Moreover, this franchise already has Mileena, a character that uses sais as her primary weapon. Why would they have, of all characters, Goro using them? Just a lame, illogical finisher that in no way befits his stature. Speaking of fellows of large stature, next there's...
17. Bo'Rai Cho's Epic Fart from Hell (MKDA): Look, I don't really want to spend much time on this. All you need to know is Bo'Rai Cho (a guy who uses vomit to fight his opponents) lights a torch and proceeds to use his rather large bodily reserve of methane gas to disintegrate his opponent. If there is a more humiliating way to die than a fart-fueled stream of flames, I don't know what it is. Then again, you could be the victim of...
16. Sheeva's Pound into the Ground (MKT): Sheeva, a four-armed creature like Goro, uses her multiple appendages to bash the victim, headfirst, into the ground. Here's the thing: if you bash someone on the head with enough force to break the earth beneath them, then wouldn't their skull be flattened into a pancake? In a series where craniums are destroyed in just about every conceivable way, how does anyone's head survive this onslaught? Another goofy thing about this one is when you perform this Fatality on a bridge stage (e.g. The Pit), you can't see the lower half of the victim's body after they have been clobbered into the floor. Ah, Mortal Kombat Trilogy animation, how I wish I could erase you from my memories. Oh, crap, that reminds me of another MKT Fatality...
15. Rain's Upside Down Uppercut (MKT): Apparently, the body is able to be sawed into four quarters with a punch to the jaw, because that's exactly what Rain does with this ridiculous finisher. But that isn't all. Not only does Rain uppercut their head off, but she apparently punches them so hard that each segment goes up into the air and falls back down headfirst, followed by the upper torso, the groin and upper legs, and the feet — perfectly back onto each other upside down. I'm sure this was meant to be a comedic Fatality of sorts, but it looks utterly stupid. From one ninja to another, next we come to...
14. Noob Saibot's Reverse Stone Cold Stunner from Hell (MKT): One of Noob Saibot's moves in Mortal Kombat Trilogy was a teleporting jaw-breaker thing. The dwindling creativity of the developers and the limitations of the graphics show here. Noob pile-drives his victims over and over and over again until they exploded. I don't remember Steve Austin causing anyone in the ring to combust, but The Rock was known to oversell it a time or two. But hey, there's yet another MKT ninja with an even lamer Fatality, and that is...
13. Human Smoke's Teleport Punch of Doom (MKT): Much like the previous Fatality, this one manages to be equally as dumb, but with 75% less effort from the creative team. Smoke simply does the popular teleport-punch attack, but with the added effect of the victim's head disintegrating in a flash of blood. If there is such a thing as a "blink and you miss it" Fatality, this is it. On the plus side, at least it isn't...
12. Kenshi's Nonstop Eye-Popping Fatality (MKDA): I'm reminded of an old Ren & Stimpy episode where the titular duo are rowing a boat across a massive river of baked beans and Ren tells Stimpy, "Another 36 hours of continuous, nonstop rowing, and we'll almost be halfway there!" The complete opposite of the last Fatality, this one is so long and boring, that it actually makes you consider leaving the game running while you go to the local convenience mart for a corn dog. (Rest assured, you won't miss anything. This Fatality will still be going when you return.) Kenshi uses his telekinesis to make his opponent's eyeballs pop out. Obviously, this is nowhere close to enough violence, so he continues the mental onslaught for what seems like an eternity. While still tilting his head towards them, he headbangs sideways over and over again to really emphasize that he's giving it his all to crush, twist, and otherwise mutilate their body. This one gets the title of "most tedious Fatality." Speaking of mutilated body parts, the next Fatality on this dubious list is simply...
11. Kabal's Face (MKT): Yes, you read that right. Kabal's face is a Fatality. He removes his breathing apparatus / mask (which is idiotic enough since he would die), and scares the opponent to death with his burned face. No kidding. Their soul is so frightened it runs away like a classic Looney Tunes cartoon. What's odd about this one is that it works on the robot characters, too. Kabal wasn't done with the crappy finishers, though, because he truly does prove that...
10. Helium Huffing Will Kill Ya'! (MKT): Kabal really drew the short straw on the Fatality front in the MK 3 days. Such is the case when you are the most broken character in the franchise. In this "classic," Kabal shoots a tube into the victim's chest and pumps air into them as their head inflates, causing them to float up to the top of the screen and, you guessed it, explode. And, of course, a hundred ribcages and a dozen skulls fall from the sky. But if you want a sky view, it's tough to beat...
09. One Robot Causing Armageddon (MKT): A towering robot (Smoke) drops roughly 20 bombs on the ground, causing the entire planet to explode. Hmm. Those are some mighty powerful bombs, considering they are only the size of basketballs. The best part of this is if you are playing ladder mode, you go right on to the next match. Wait, didn't the planet just... I mean... aren't they all... how can the tournament continue? Oh, wait! Of course, silly me. Fireball. But this wasn't the only Fatality where you destroy yourself in the act of killing your opponent, because down the line in Mortal Kombat: Deception...
08. Raiden Goes Kamikaze (MKD): In Mortal Kombat: Deception, Raiden is at his wit's end. He decides that Earth is no longer worthy of his protection, so he decides to start killing off the unworthy. He dons a dark, tattered costume and goes emo. He also has two Fatalities in this game like all the other Kombatants. In his first, he summons lightning and destroys the opponent like he's done in almost every previous Mortal Kombat game. In his second Fatality, he summons lightning and again blows up his opponent, but also destroys himself in the process. My head hurts when I try to understand what was happening here. If you are the God of Thunder and Lightning, how can you kill yourself with a lightning bolt? I think Raiden took the emo thing a little too far. (At least when Cyrax destroyed himself in MK 3, he was activating a computer program designed to do so.) But if you want to look at a Fatality that goes a little too far (in terms of absurdity), I present to you...
07. Jax's Giant Stomp (MKT): Apparently Jax is able to grow to over 100 feet tall, because in this Fatality he does just that, and squishes the opponent beneath his now-gargantuan boot. My question is this: If he can arbitrarily increase his height to such gigantic measures, then how in the name of Fujin is this guy not able to outright win the tournament in two minutes? What is Shao Khan going to do, smash Jax's toe with that cartoonishly big mallet? The only way this Fatality works is by inverting it like they have in the new game. Ermac shrinks the victim with sorcery and then steps on them. Jax is a Special Forces major, though. He doesn't exactly specialize in Outworld witchcraft. But if you thought this one was a head-scratcher, then you probably never saw...
06. Darrius' Human Picasso Project (MKD): Darrius moves his hands around, and the opponent's body parts rearrange themselves. A leg magically reappears shoved through the head, an arm is similarly impaled through the ribcage, another arm is shoved somewhere else in the torso, and, through it all, the victim is still standing and grunts when Darrius kicks their mangled carcass away. Let me repeat that. The victim has a leg shoved through his head and yet he still lives. Wait, did someone say leg-shoving? It must mean that it's time for...
05. Mavado's Boot Thrust (MKDA): Mavado was a new character introduced in Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance. He was completely useless, with a paper-thin backstory and virtually no redeeming value. So it stood to reason that his Fatality was equally lame. He shoots some tethers into the ground at the victim's feet, pulls himself back like Wile E. Coyote with an Acme slingshot, and proceeds to hurl himself feet-first into the victim's large intestine. He then pulls his spiked boots out of the victim's abdomen and the person winces and groans as a random organ flies out. (I'm guessing the liver, but I can't tell.) This Fatality takes over 20 seconds to fully perform, so few people have actually stayed awake long enough to see it through to the end. Still, as utterly dumb as this Fatality is, it can't hold a candle to...
04. Motaro's Head Grab (MKT): Motaro was one of the toughest bosses in the entire franchise. The reason for this is because there wasn't a truly good way to defend against him. His tail could reach the entire length of the screen and trip you. And he shot laser beams out of it. Plus, he could leap that entire distance if you were staying away from him. And in tight fights, he'd mule-kick or grab and punch you for ridiculous amounts of damage. Oh, and just to make it even more fun, you can't hurt him with projectiles! They're reflected back at you! One would think they would utilize one of his many bizarre appendages in a cool Fatality. Unfortunately, no, they did not. Motaro simply leans in and pulls the loser's head off with almost no blood splatter at all, holding it up in some of the absolute worst animation in the series to date. (And that's saying something, considering that MK 4, on the whole, had the overall worst animation in the franchise.) Speaking of crappy animation...
03. Baraka Picks Someone Up to Death (MKG): This Fatality was supposed to be a rehash of Baraka's brutally awesome Fatality from MK 2 (only in shiny new three-dimensional graphics) where he lifts the opponent up with his giant arm blades and slowly, gruesomely impales them. Unfortunately, due to the atrocious animation used in the MK 4 / MKG engine, it looked like Baraka lifted the victim up in the air and they died in his ever-so-loving grasp. Speaking of finishers that don't actually finish the victim off, there is the legendary...
02. Liu Kang Aerial-to-Uppercut (MK): It's almost not even fair to list this as a Fatality since the "victim" couldn't possibly die from this, and the screen doesn't even darken when he does it. Liu Kang kicks them while cartwheeling, uppercuts them into the air, and they fall back down. Yeah, that's it. They also put this into MK 2, which I feel was wholly unnecessary. But if there is one Fatality that defines unnecessary, and really stretches the limits of stupidity, there's no contest. It has to be...
01. Quan Chi's Neck Stretch (MKDA): I feel like there is a trend going on here in which the finishers I've been describing in these last few paragraphs haven't actually looked like they kill anyone. Going back over this list, you have read about people getting mutilated and dismembered in a myriad of manners. The one thing they all have going for them (except for the preceding two) is that their opponent would most certainly die, regardless of the idiotic circumstances surrounding them. In a series where people have their heads blown up, ripped off, sliced in half, torched, melted, and even eaten whole, the producers of the games felt that Quan Chi should one-down them by jumping on the loser's shoulders, grabbing their head, and stretching their neck out an extra three feet. It is every bit as dumb as I describe it. It also holds the distinction of being the only known Fatality in Mortal Kombat history that series co-creator Ed Boon has said was horrible. (And this is from a guy who loved Shujinko, of all characters.) Quan Chi wins... Giraffe-ality!
